


Tangerine

by badmoonbai



Category: Greta Van Fleet (Band)
Genre: ahaha so, ahem there's really no danny in this, don't be asking where he is
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-05
Updated: 2019-08-05
Packaged: 2020-02-26 01:56:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 14,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18714166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/badmoonbai/pseuds/badmoonbai
Summary: Groupie Culture reimagined in 2019--the torch still burns, and it's been passed to a new generation of rockers and rollers.INSPIRED BY and CONTAINING CHARACTERS BASED ON CHURCH OF KISZKA.





	1. Chapter 1

It was funny how recently, silence had become the loudest thing in my life.

It was the silence that woke me up this morning—there was no snoring, no shuffling around, no drip of the hotel-standard coffee maker. The sun shone through the shitty curtains as if they weren’t even there—I could see it even through my closed eyelids—but I’d gladly take that over any alarm clock. I didn’t mind being woken up, it was just the silence that was alarming.

I stretched my arm out and reached to the left side of the bed, but got nothing but cool sheets. At that point, I opened my eyes and saw the empty space beside me. I lifted my head and looked to the other side of the room, where there was only body under the sheets instead of two.

“Shit,” I mumbled, throwing the sheets off of myself and sitting up. I looked to the clock on the bedside table. 10:21 AM. _“Shit!”_

I jumped up and began scrabbling through the duffle bag at the foot of the bed. “Baby!” I said, not looking up from my task to see if she had heard me. When a few moments had passed without a response, I repeated myself, louder.

“I’m Baby,” the voice was groggy and the undefined shape under the sheets on the other bed shifted a bit.

“No shit,” I said, “get up.”

There was a series of indiscernible grumbles from the shape.

“They already left for the venue,” I said, pulling out my last set of clean clothes. I would have to request laundry service at the next hotel.

I began to change out of the t-shirt I had slept in. “Baby, get up, we gotta go!” I said more urgently.

“Breakfast first?” Baby asked, still from under the sheets.

“We can get breakfast on the road, we have to get there before they finish soundcheck and security beefs up.”

Baby groaned and poked her eyes out from under the sheet to look at me.

“I think it’s supposed to be nice today, we can walk to the venue instead of calling a ride,” I said as I finished buttoning my pants and leaned over to put on my shoes.

“You want to walk to the venue in your platforms?” she asked, eying my block heels. I could tell she was smirking under the sheets.

I glared at her and got up to fish my makeup bag out of my duffel. “Babe, will you at least start to get ready, Rowen and Luke are coming in today and we have to get them passes before the crowds start coming in.”

“Yeah yeah, I know I know,” Baby trailed off, pulling the covers back over her head.

I found my makeup and started towards the bathroom, picking up a stray shoe that was undoubtedly Samuel’s and throwing it at Baby as I passed. “Get up!” I said one last time, stifling a laugh.

 

The walk to the venue was a nice one—Raleigh was a relatively quiet city and it was early enough in the day that the heat was bearable. We stopped in a Dunkin for coffee and donuts while we walked, and we picked up a few things to go to bring to the boys as well. The venue was bound to have soundcheck already catered, but it was the thought that counted.

By the time we had reached the amphitheater, Baby was complaining that her feet hurt (she, too, had decided to wear her platforms). We could hear the familiar wails of guitar from outside tinted fence. We rounded the corner to the barrier that separated the street from the backstage area, and while there were a plethora of stagehands rushing around, each looking more harried than the last, none of them looked familiar.

"Fucking locals,” Baby muttered as she scanned the area for a familiar roadie, not breaking stride as we moved towards the barrier. “If I don’t sit down in the next thirty seconds I’m going to throat-punch someone.”

I believed her.

Luckily, I spotted a familiar face just as we reached the security checkpoint. A burly venue security guard was stepping up to us as we approached, but I brought my fingers to my mouth and whistled sharply. “Troy!” I called.

Baby waved her arms back and forth, a coffee in one hand, a box of donut holes in the other, and the security guard standing in front of us turned to see an equally burly man with many more tattoos waving at us from behind the barrier.

“We’re with the band, chief,” Baby said, smiling sweetly at the guard as she easily jumped the barrier. I followed suit, careful to balance the three coffees in a to-go carrier as well as my own.

Baby danced her way towards Troy, coffee and donuts still held high over her head. “Morning, sweetheart,” he said to her, smiling as he pulled her into a quick side-hug. “Those for me?” he asked, eyeing the donuts.

“Only if you’re good,” Baby teased, letting him open up the box and select a few donut holes for himself. “The guys still soundchecking?”

“Yeah, probably will be until noon. Can’t seem to get Sam’s tone balanced with the acoustics. Not a great venue,” Troy said, popping a donut in his mouth.

“See, Maeve? Got here with plenty of time to spare. Maeve was ready to have me here in my underwear, she was so rushed.”

“We told Rowen and Lucas we’d get them passes,” I defended, “Speaking of which, Troy, could you…”

“I’m on it. Talk to Eleanor in management before the show tonight. Miss Maeve Flowers, always looking out.”

“You’re the best, Troy!” Baby called as we backed away.

“Don’t I know it,” Troy saluted us off and went on his way.

Baby and I climbed the stairs leading up to stage left and she promptly jumped up to sit on a road case with her legs crossed at the ankle. She kicked off her shoes and helped herself to a donut hole as I jumped up to sit cross-legged beside her. From where we were seated, we had a perfect view of the entire stage, a view we’d grown rather accustomed to, and we could see the three Kiszka brothers working through their equipment, preparing for tonight’s show.

At this point, it was almost 11:30 in the morning, and even sitting behind the amps the soundcheck was incredibly loud—it was quite the way to wake up. It only took about 15 minutes for one of the brothers to spot us and call for a break.

Sam and Jake came over, shoulder-to-shoulder, finishing a discussion about one thing or another regarding setup for the show. Sam looked up, locked eyes with me, and smiled. “Finally made it, huh?”

“One of you could have had the decency to wake us up when you left,” I retorted, jumping down from the road case to slide under the arm he held out for me and handing him a coffee.

“How would that have been decent?” He looked down at me incredulously.

“I’m still wondering why you guys left so early,” Baby said, holding the box of donut holes out for Jake to rifle through.

“What do you mean, ‘early’? We left on time,” Jake said.

“’On time’,” Baby mocked, “When have you guys ever been on time for anything?”

Jake and Sam looked at each other with faux hurt.

“Oh, okay,” Baby said, reaching around and picking up a microphone from on top of a subwoofer beside the road case, “Jacob Kiszka, tell me, what’s it like to be ‘on time’ for the first time ever?” she said in her best imitation of an interviewer, tilting the microphone to Jake’s face.

“I can’t say I know what you’re talking about, I’ve never been late for anything in my life,” he replied, trying hard to hide a smile.

“Is that so?” Baby said, bringing the mic back to her own mouth. “Then perhaps you can explain why you were so late coming last night—”

 _“Okay!”_ Jake cut her off, pushing the microphone aside to clasp a hand over her mouth. He was blushing hard and Baby’s eyes were wide and alight with a smile (hidden by Jake’s hand), but she caught my eye and winked.

“Who the hell let you two in?”

Sam and I turned around to see Josh and Celeste La Vie headed towards us from the other side of the stage. Baby pulled Jake’s hand from her mouth and held it clasped in both of her own. “We could ask you the same question!” she teased.

Celeste smiled. “I was _actually_ with the band when they came in this morning,” she said, holding her hand out for me to take in greeting. That was the beautiful thing about this group—each day we treated each other as if we hadn’t seen each other in years, although it had only been hours since Josh and Celeste had disappeared to their own hotel room.

“Not all of us wake up at the asscrack of dawn, Cel,” Baby said, making Jake snort.

“Where’s Danny?” Sam asked, pulling me over to the side stage sofa that was more like a college apartment futon.

“Disappeared somewhere to call Mackenzie,” Josh said, pulling a coffee from the to-go carrier I’d placed on the road case.

“Why’d she leave if they’re going to stay attached by the telephone line anyways?” Baby asked, disinterested.

“She has some kind of work obligation, I don’t know,” Josh said, offering Celeste his coffee cup.

“What’s that like?” Celeste muttered into the coffee cup, making Josh giggle.

“Well boys,” I said, stretching out on the sofa and putting my feet up on Sam’s lap where he sat on the sofa’s arm, “Our group’s going to grow by a few tonight. Lucas Lazuli is coming from Marina and Rowen Sapphire is coming in with Wallows, I think.”

“Wallows? Kind of a tame crowd, huh?” Sam said.

“I don’t know. Maybe I’ll take off with them for a few weeks,” I pondered, making Sam whip his head around to look at me, distraught.

“You’re kidding, right?”

“It’d give you and Rowen some time alone,” I pointed out, raising an eyebrow at him suggestively.

“Well, the more the merrier,” Josh said, raising an arm to spin Celeste before he tossed his now empty coffee cup in the trash. “Asbury Park is going to be a good time.”

“Space on the bus might be an issue though,” Jake pointed out.

“Leave that to us, sweet thing,” Baby smiled at him endearingly. She tucked his hair behind his ear and pushed on his chest. “Go finish your soundcheck. We don’t pay to hear you play with poor acoustics.”

“You don’t _pay_ to see us at all.”

“Touché.”


	2. Chapter 2

There was a knock on the trailer door and Josh got up from the couch beside Celeste to answer it. One of the venue’s stagehands was on the steps. “You guys are on in ten,” he said, holding out a fistful of white roses.

“Copy,” Josh said, taking the flowers. He turned back to us, the flowers held in front of his face. He danced his way back over to the couch, scarily off-beat the The Rolling Stones’ _Let It Bleed_ that was coming from a speaker on the far side of the trailer, and held a single rose out to Celeste.

“Miss Celeste?” he offered with a smile. She brought a hand to her chest in mock bashfulness and accepted the rose, grabbing his hand as she did and pulling him back down next to her. “Any word from our friends?” she asked me, bringing the flower to her nose.

I checked my phone, but there were no new messages from either Lucas or Rowen. “Nada,” I said. I stood up and felt Sam’s grasp on my hand tighten, but his fingers trailed from mine as I walked over to the table of catered goods to select a slice of pineapple for myself. “If Wallows’ advance team is coming in tonight to check out the venue, Rowen might just waltz in with them.” 

At that moment, the trailer door opened again and Baby came in, two backstage passes in her hand. “Then what did we work our asses off getting these for?” she asked. Jake, seated in an armchair, gestured her over and she perched herself on an arm while Jake put a hand on her back.

“Covering our asses for good measure,” I answered, taking another slice of pineapple. “Keeping our word, being good friends, yada yada yada…” I trailed off, and she flicked me off good-heartedly, Sam giving me a goofy grin.

“If they don’t hurry up, they’re going to miss you guys opening, and once you go on-stage I’m not leaving to meet them at the gate,” Celeste joked.

“This show is going to be just like the last that you saw, and the one before that, and the one before that…” Josh smiled over at her. 

“That is absolutely untrue,” she smiled back. “Every night with you guys is like the first, and I’ll die on that hill.”

“You don’t have to blow so much smoke up our asses, Celeste,” Jake grinned, making Baby smile as well. 

Simultaneously, there was another knock at the door and my phone buzzed from the sofa beside Sam. I walked around to check the message at the same time the roadie on the other side of the door called “five minutes!”. 

“They’re here,” I said, sticking my phone in my back pocket. Baby lifted the passes over her head as I passed by and grabbed them from her. “You guys coming?” 

“I’ll catch you backstage,” Baby said, watching me go and running a hand through Jake’s hair.

“I’ll come,” Celeste said, getting up and tucking her rose into the neckline of her shirt. “Good luck out there, boys,” she said over her shoulder with a wink, and with that we descended from the trailer.

This close to showtime, most everything was ready for the performance, but there was still the intense hustle of venue staff rushing from place to place doing god knows what. It was almost surreal walking through them, unable to relate to having a single care in the world other than the show we were about to enjoy.

It was the golden hour and everything was washed with a beautiful orange tint. Celeste and I made our way to the side of the barrier that Baby and I had come through earlier that day. The closer we got, I could see Lucas and Rowen talking a few feet from the same security guard as before. There was a crowd growing not far from where Lucas and Rowen were standing, and I didn’t doubt they were fans desperate to get a glimpse of the band walking to the stage. It was for that reason it was so important to get to the venue early—to be mistaken for just another fan is a fatal groupie error.

“Excuse me sir,” Celeste said in her sweetest, leaning over the barrier. “You wouldn’t happen to be with the band, would you?”

Lucas saw her over Rowen’s shoulder and grinned, making her turn to see us as well. I dangled the passes out to them and they came over to meet us.

“There’s more of you?” The guard said, exasperated, watching as Lucas and Rowen jumped the barrier. 

“We’re the life of the party, my good man,” Rowen said, taking a pass and wrapping it around her wrist, “Enjoy the show!” she called as we started back towards the stage. The noise in the venue had surged—the band must have gone onstage.

“Maeve, you guys are the real MVPs,” Luke said, stuffing the pass into his pocket so that it was just visible.

“Save it for Baby, she’s going to want you to kiss her ass for this,” I said, pulling him into a side-hug as we walked. “How is Marina?”

“Fantastic, as always,” he said, grinning broadly. “She invited me back for the west coast leg, offered me a plane and everything.” 

We began climbing the stairs up to stage left. “You gonna take her up on it?” 

“Depends on what the party’s like with you guys,” he teased, having to yell a bit now over the sound of the crowd.

We reached the stage just in time to see Josh absolutely caterwaul into the microphone, making the amphitheater go insane. When he trailed off, Jake went into his warm-up and Josh gave it one last good scream, tossing the bouquet of roses, before walking the length of the stage.

Celeste, Rowen, Lucas, and I sidled over to where Baby was leaning on a road case, a glass Coke bottle in her hand, smiling at Jake as he moved through the chords. Josh caught Celeste’s eye as he walked in our direction and smiled at her. Without breaking eye contact, he smiled into the mic, “It’s quite hot out here, isn’t it?”

The stage looked otherworldly, bathed in the orange glow from the setting sun, and the three brothers downstage were surrounded by halos from the backlighting. I realized Celeste was right—every show was its own experience, and it never got old.

From across the stage, I caught Sam’s eye and smiled softly as the opening notes of The Cold Wind rang out from Jake’s guitar. He knew it was one of my favorite songs off their album, almost purely for the bassline, and he grinned at me as he pulled that first A in sync with Josh’s ‘hey!’ before disappearing into the rest of the song.

And I, surrounded by my closest friends, disappeared into the rest of the set, as if it were the first and last time.


	3. Chapter 3

“Why aren’t we pregaming?” Rowen asked, flopping down onto one of the sofas in the trailer.

“Because we’re walking back to the hotel, and I can’t speak for you but I’d rather not be arrested for public intoxication,” Baby said as she poked around the catering.

The band was a few trailers over, changing out of their stage clothes while the rest of us lounged around and finished off their food, waiting for them.

“How long have you guys been with Greta?” Luke asked from the armchair Jake had occupied earlier, absentmindedly strumming an acoustic guitar.

“Celeste has been with them since Mexico City,” Baby said, “Maeve and I tagged along in Jacksonville.”

“Boring little city, Jacksonville,” Celeste said, lost in thought.

“Raleigh doesn’t seem that much better,” Rowen said covering her face with her hands. “God, where are they, I’m ready to fucking do something already—”

Just at that moment, the trailer door burst open and Jake swooped in, grabbing Lola around the waist and swinging her around. He was closely followed by his brothers and Danny, who was occupied with a telephone call.

“Are we ready for a good time, ladies and gentlemen?” Josh called out as he entered, holding his arms up dramatically. “Lucas Lazuli, long time no see,” he said, pulling Luke into a tight hug and kissing his cheek. “Miss Sapphire,” he greeted her with a kiss of her hand over Luke’s shoulder.

“You can rest easy now that we’re here,” Luke said as they pulled out of their hug, “I know it must have been a boring tour without us.”

“You have no idea,” Josh winked at him as he pulled Celeste up from her spot on the couch.

“You’re all coming back to the hotel, right?” Sam asked, looking around the room whilst filling his reusable water bottle at the cooler.

“What else would we do in this lame-ass city?” I said, and he smirked at me as he walked past to greet Rowen with a warm embrace.

“The people of Raleigh’s ears are ringing,” Jake warned teasingly.

“It was a compliment, babe,” Baby smiled at him over her shoulder, “Out of everything and anything Raleigh has to offer, you’re the most interesting thing going on in these parts.”

“Well in that case…” Jake started to pull her back to him but Josh walked between the two of them, leading Celeste, who was leading Lucas.

“Let’s get on the road, before I lose my steam!” Josh yelled, heading straight for the door.

“Like that’s ever happened,” Sam muttered, making me laugh softly. He threw an arm each around Rowen and I and we followed Jake and Baby out of the trailer.

“We leaving Danny behind tonight?” Baby half-joked as we made our way towards the tour bus.

“Only if he’s still on the phone when we start the bus,” Jake said, half-sarcastically.

**

“Make way, make way!” Baby backed her way into the hotel room carrying two heaping trays of food, the kimono she’d stolen from Jake’s wardrobe flowing behind her. Celeste and Rowen, who had been dancing hand-in-hand to Star Star blasting at full volume, cleared out of her way as she made her way through the room. She placed one tray on the floor beside a circle consisting of Sammy, Lucas, and Josh, who were deeply involved in a game of Bullshit that was made all that more difficult by the bong being passed around.

Baby carried the second tray to the little table that Jake was already seated at, a joint in his hand, and she jumped up to sit on it beside him while selecting a cookie from the stash she had just returned with.

I was stretched out on one of the beds watching the card game play out below me, Sam’s Ray Bans down over my eyes. Rowen had come over to join the game and she and Sam had formed a sort of team, or that was how it seemed, because his arm was around her shoulders while he held his cards, so they could both see each other’s hands, but no one was playing seriously enough to bother with rules.

“Two fours,” Lucas said, slamming two cards down in the center of the circle.

“Bullshit!” Josh screamed, reaching for the cards.

“How was that bullshit?” Luke screamed back, holding back his laughter as Josh fumbled with the cards.

“Two rounds ago there were three fours!” He said, finally managing to flip Luke’s cards over. They were, in fact, two fours.

“FUCK!” Josh fell backwards, sprawled on the floor.

“Rip,” Sam smiled, tossing the lighter so that it landed on his brother’s stomach.

“Your logic is sound, Joshua,” Lucas said, smiling as Josh pulled on the bong, “You just failed to consider if the bullshitting had occurred two rounds ago.”

Josh smiled and exhaled his smoke directed straight at Lucas’ face.

I laughed and took a moment to look around, raising the sunglasses to the top of my head. I was suddenly hyperaware of my situation, the surrealistic nature of it all. For a moment it was almost like I was seeing everything in slow motion. Celeste was twirling Rowen, a feather boa dangling from their clasped hands, sending feathers flying through the room; Jake was passing Baby the joint and she was pulling the sunglasses from the top of his head, the smoke between them like mountain mist; my eyes trailed to the circle in front of me and caught Sam’s gaze. He smiled at me softly, not the fully-fledged smile that made my knees weak, but the small half-smile, the private, just-for-you smile that made my heart melt.

I suddenly felt very self-aware, and to maintain my composure I half-smiled back at him and tipped the sunglasses back down over my eyes. I let the mirrored glass shield him from the fact that I couldn’t stop watching him for the duration of the game—his happiness was intoxicating, and I found myself smoking more than I probably should have each time I was offered the bong.

It was a beautiful night, overall. For a couple of hours, the hotel room felt like a home and everyone in it was family. When I woke up the next morning, Josh, Celeste, and Lucas had all disappeared to their hotel room across the hall. Jake and Baby were asleep in the other bed, and Rowen was between Sam and I, all three of our legs a tangled mess. I looked over to see that it wasn’t even 6 AM yet, and the band wasn’t due to leave town until 9. Knowing myself, however, I figured I would be unable to fall back asleep, so I untangled myself from Rowen and Sam and padded over to the coffee machine to start a pot. After getting it going, I went over to the balcony door and let myself out as quietly as possible to wait.

Raleigh really was a peaceful city, if such a thing exists, and it was interesting to watch from so far above the early morning weekday rush. The sun wasn’t due to rise for another half-hour or so, but the sky was already mauve with morning light. I didn’t realize I was so lost in thought until the sound of the sliding door behind me brought me back to reality.

Sam came over to the edge of the balcony to look out with me, holding two mugs of coffee. He offered me one and I accepted it graciously. “Josh’s sweater,” he acknowledged, nodding at the sweater I had put on before coming out. “He’s been looking for that.”

“Not too hard, I suppose,” I said, smiling into my coffee.

“I suppose,” Sam agreed, doing the same.

We were quiet for a few minutes, watching the sky get lighter and the city below get busier.

“Maeve, you weren’t serious about staying with Wallows, were you?” he asked suddenly.

I frowned, trying to recall what he was talking about. “The other day, before the show, you said something about staying in Raleigh and leaving with Wallows,” Sam clarified. “You were kidding, right?”

I looked at him, trying to get a read on where this conversation was going.

He must have taken my silence as a negative, because he began to flounder. “I just think things are really different when you’re around—you, meaning like, you guys, things are better and brighter and things just kind of feel complete, if that makes any sense? And it’s like no matter where we are, we’re home, you’re home and it’s so refreshing to see your face at the end of every night and the start of every day and—”

“Samuel,” I interrupted him, my grip on my coffee mug tightening nervously. I shook my head and tried hard not to smile. “You guys mean everything to us. We’re not going anywhere. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Okay. Cool. Good,” he said, nodding and looking down into his coffee. If the sun were a few minutes closer to breaking the horizon, I might have seen a blush. We were quiet for a few more minutes before he added: “I’m just not sure I can tolerate Jake’s snoring at this point without you guys around to help me make fun of him.”


	4. Chapter 4

By 8:45, the bus had been pulled around to the front of the hotel and was sitting idle, waiting for its occupants. Metal railings had been placed around the perimeter of the carport to keep back the growing crowd of fans. 

Baby, Lucas, Rowen, and I were lounging together a few feet from the front door. Hotel security had been eyeing us nervously since we’d come down and we could tell they were contemplating on trying to move us to the other side of the barriers. Baby was watching the growing crowd with a small smile, and she raised an eyebrow when she caught my eye as if to say “that could’ve been us”. Lucas had a lollipop in the corner of his mouth and his phone out, which he suddenly locked and tucked in his pocket. “They’re on their way down.”

I straightened up from where I’d been leaning against the building and tightened the straps on my backpack. “How was your coffee this morning, babe?” Baby asked, smiling at me knowingly. 

“Shut up,” I said, though I could feel myself blushing, so I turned away.

“That good, huh?” She kept smiling at me. There was suddenly a surge in the crowd behind the barrier, which was our cue to start towards the bus. Screams for the band filled the air as they walked through the front doors, led by a handful of guards and tour managers. Josh had taken point, hand-in-hand with Celeste as they walked towards the bus, and he held a hand out to wave at the crowd that was currently screaming his name. He saw our group and smiled, waving Lucas and the rest of us over.

We headed to the band, much to the hotel security’s chagrin, and joined up with them, Jake taking Baby under his arm and climbing onto the bus with her behind Danny. Sam stepped back and pretended to hold the bus door open for Rowen and I before following us up into the cab.

Walking through the bus, Danny had already disappeared to the bunks—it was common knowledge he wasn’t much of a morning person and he tended to sleep through most of the ride when the call time was earlier than 11 AM. Jake and Baby had already claimed their spot on one of the couches; Josh was on his tip-toes, rifling through the cabinet filled with snack food, looking for breakfast while Lucas stood behind him, collecting the things that he was pulling out (so far it looked like breakfast would consist of Pringles and cough drops); Celeste was upending her duffle bag, mumbling something about a new film canister for her camera.

“Anyone for coffee?” Sam asked, tossing his backpack onto the couch and walking over to the little kitchen nook.

“I’ll take some,” I said, hopping up on the dining table and folding my legs under me.

“Me too,” Josh said without straying from his task.

“I don’t think you need caffeine on top of this breakfast, Josh,” Lucas said, looking at the box of Oatmeal Crème Pies Josh had just placed in his hands.

“Say that to my face, you coward.”

“I… just did,” Lucas said, trying to keep from smiling.

“Where’s Matt?” Jake said, craning his neck to see into the driver’s cab. “This is gonna be a long drive, we should get going.”

“You’re that tired of us already?” Baby feigned hurt, spinning around on the couch and crossing her legs over his lap.

“Time seems to stretch when I’m in an enclosed space with you people,” he said.

Josh popped a cough drop into his mouth an fell back onto the adjacent couch. “Then you’ve got a long day ahead of you, Jakey-boy.”

 

**

 

Josh wasn’t wrong—the drive was a long one. But it was spent in good company, with good music, and we had some good laughs. When Matt announced that we’d be stopping in Richmond for a quick break, I felt an ache in my heart—we were a mere two hours from my hometown, and I couldn’t help but think of how much things had changed since I’d last been there.

While Matt gassed the bus up and stretched his legs, the rest of us ran across the street to a Trader Joe’s to restock the bus’s snack supply.

“Chicken teriyaki, a jar of peanut butter, and everything bagel seasoning,” Sam said, looking over my shoulder and reciting my groceries as we waited in line to check out.

“And cabernet,” I added, turning so he could see the bottle under my arm.

“ _And_ cabernet,” he said, nodding.

I gestured at the things in my hands respectively. “Dinner for tonight, spoonfuls for days, flavor for anything.”

“You’ve really thought this out,” he smiled.

“Only the essentials,” I said with a wink, placing my stuff on the counter for the cashier to scan.

After we’d both checked out we started walking back to the bus together without waiting for the others.

“So I take it you’re not planning on going out with us tonight,” Sam said, offering me a plantain chip from the bag he’d just opened up, “Seeing as you bought yourself dinner." 

“Yeah, I don’t know, I’m just kind of feeling a night in, ya know?” I replied as I dug my hand into the bag.

“Are you sure? Rowen wants to take us to this place she went downtown with The Struts, it should be a good time.”

“I’m sure it will be,” I said smiling at him. “Go out and have fun. Give Rowen some attention, I’ve been with you guys for weeks now, my time is up,” I joked.

We’d reached the bus at that point and Sam knocked on the door for Matt to let us on. “Had enough of us?” he smirked.

“I could never,” I said, starting up the stairs.

 

**

 

Upon reaching Jersey, we were able to sneak into the hotel relatively easily—there weren’t many people waiting for the band, so while the boys went over to talk to the fans, the rest of us headed inside with the crew to abscond with their room keys.

“Did you hear that Mackenzi might be meeting Danny at Kerffufle?” Luke asked as he pressed the elevator button for our floor.

“What a dumb name for a festival,” Rowan muttered, digging through her bag for something.

“What a dumb—” Baby started, but I stopped her short by elbowing her since we all knew what she was going to say. “What? None of the guys are here, we don’t have to pretend to—”

“If we get used to talking shit about she and Danny when they’re not around, it’ll be easier for us to slip up when they are,” I said, smirking at her while she pursed her lips at me.

“But yeah, it does seem dumb that she literally just flew out to Miami to see him. It’s like she’s zig-zagging all over the country.”

There was a _ding_ and the doors opened to our floor. “She likes the attention,” Baby said, pulling her sunglasses down over her eyes as she stepped off the elevator.

We walked down the hall, matching up the room numbers with the keys in our hands. “Rowen, do you mind setting Jake up with Josh tonight? Maeve and I are gonna show this room a good time,” she said, leaning against the door across the hall from the one that Luke was currently opening. 

“Damn, do I even want to know what you mean by that?” Rowen said, going file into the other room behind Luke and Celeste.

“We’ll keep you guessing, darling,” Baby blew her a kiss before unlocking the door behind her and backing inside, pulling me along with her. 

“What the hell was that about?” I chuckled, tossing my backpack onto one of the beds.

“Sammy mentioned you weren’t going out with them tonight,” she said, following suit and going over to open the curtains.

“So?” 

“So neither am I. You wanted a night in, so that’s exactly what we’re going to do.” 

“No, Baby, go out with Jake and have a good time—”

“No, Maeve,” she started, mocking my tone, “tonight I’m sticking with you. We’re overdue for some one-on-one. Plus…” she said, going over to her bag. She unzipped the small outside pocket and poked her finger into a tiny rip in the lining, pulling out a 2 mil Ziploc of green. “… who ever said you need to go out to have a good time?”

 

**

 

Since we had arrived so late in the day, it wasn’t long before the entire group was headed out to hit the town. Everyone had showered and changed and was following Rowen’s lead down the hall to the elevators by seven, save Baby and I.

“You’ll call if you need anything?” Sam checked, Baby coaxing him out the door. She had already taken a toke or two while he was in the shower.

“When have we ever needed you guys for anything?” she said. I could hear Jake laughing out in the hallway.

“Maeve, text me!” Sam called right as Baby managed to get the door shut.

“Finally,” she said, leaning against the door.

“What’s the rush?” I laughed, pulling the bong from between the bed and the side table and going to pack the bowl some more.

“I don’t have enough to share, can’t risk them wanting to mooch,” she smiled slyly and came over to sit with me on the bed. “Now fire that shit up.”

 

**

 

“This was the album I listened to the first time I got stoned,” I said, watching the smoke from my last rip float up from my lips as I spoke. I was lying back on the bed, the bong in the middle of my crossed legs. At some point, Baby had ended up in a similar position, but on the floor.

“No way,” I heard Baby say, though I couldn’t see her. _Zeppelin III_ was playing from her phone, which was resting on the other bed. 

“Yeah way,” I giggled.

“Kind of a shitty album to smoke to,” she said, and I could hear the start of a fit of laughter in her voice. 

“You’re right, there’s some heavy shit in this album, man.” 

“What? Zeppelin doesn’t do heavy, they’re 90% nonsense, 10% sex.”

“See that’s where you’re wrong, their nonsense _is_ heavy, babe. _‘I saw you kissing tiny flowers, but all that lives is born to die’_? _Shit_ , man.” 

“Jesus, Maeve, listen to some Prince and lighten up,” Baby was laughing hysterically. “This is why you won’t make a move on Sam, you’re too much in your own head.” Out of the corner of my eye I saw her hand shoot up and make a grabbing motion, asking for the bong. Without sitting up, I passed it to her.

“I won’t make a move on Sam because I’m not enough for him,” I said, listening to her light the bowl.

“That’s bullshit,” Baby said after a moment, her words short as she tried to hold her smoke. With an exhale, she continued, “Have you seen the way he looks at you? It’s like you’re the Happy Meal, which is delicious enough on its own, but you _also_ came with the toy he wanted, which makes you, like, the complete package,” she had started laughing halfway through her analogy and barely managed to finish her sentence. 

Baby laughing at herself made me lose my mind, and soon enough I was in stitches as well. “That is the shittiest metaphor I’ve ever heard,” I gasped out. 

“You get my point though!” Baby said, sitting up suddenly and looking me in the eye, her face streaked with tears of laughter. “That boy would span _oceans_ for you.”

“ _The Ocean_. Now _that’s_ a good Zeppelin song, put that one on,” I said, pointing to her phone, “That’s off my favorite album.” 

“We should go to the ocean,” Baby said, fumbling with her phone to switch albums. She looked up at me with a sudden fervor. “ _We should go to the ocean!_ We’re in Jersey, let’s just go right now!”

I was laughing again, and I couldn’t stop. “Just go to the ocean right now?”

“Right now!”

“Right now?”

“Yeah, right now!” Baby was starting to giggle as well. “Just button your shirt up a little more, we’ll take a walk!”

“You don’t think the ocean will appreciate a little bit of bare chest?”

“I think the ocean will appreciate it fine, I know I do,” Baby said, starting to climb up onto the bed with me. “Dude dude dude, feel my pants,” she said sprawling out overtop my crossed legs. She was wearing her favorite velvet bells, a favorite of Jake’s as well, and for a moment I felt bad that she hadn’t gotten to wear them out on the town. “Feel my pants, dude!” she said, erupting into a fit of laughter.

I smiled and reached down to rub a hand over her pants, as I’d done several times before in situations similar to this one. Baby had a thing for textures when she got high, and that made me think that she had dressed herself this morning with the intention of smoking later in the day.

Which then made me think that she had had this entire night planned out from the beginning, probably to distract me from worrying too much about Sam. Which then made me feel soft towards her—always looking out for me, even when I don’t realize it. I didn’t deserve her either.

“I’m sure Sammy would appreciate your bare chest, too,” Baby said through a yawn.

I ran a hand through my hair and closed my eyes, wishing I had the bong in my hands. “I’m sure.”

“Dude, for real, I will die on this hill. I don’t see a future without you two together, so what’s the holdup?”

“You know what the holdup is, babe. I can never be _enough_ for him. I’ll never be enough for _anyone_. The lifestyle is ‘sex, drugs, and rock and roll’, and I’m strictly into two of those three keystones. I can’t help that I have no interest in the third.”

“Maybe if you told him that you’re ace—”

“He’d drop me so quickly, it’d make your head spin. Groupies like us are kept around for one reason.”

“We’re Band Aids,” Baby said softly, tracing a pattern on her own pant leg thoughtfully. We were silent for a few moments, nothing but the music coming from Baby’s phone to fill the hotel room. I started to feel bad for bringing the mood down. I wanted for another hit more and more with each passing second.

“Hey,” Baby said suddenly, and I looked up at her, expecting a revelation. “We should make that chicken teriyaki.”


	5. Chapter 5

I ended up being thankful for Baby and I’s relaxed night in, because New York was more than I had bargained for. The band had been to Manhattan once before, but it had been longer than a year since then. As a result, they severely underestimated their welcome party. 

The bus pulled up to the Omni Berkshire and there was a moment before security stepped up outside that there was pounding on the windows from the waiting crowd. Josh’s eyes lit up as he looked around at all of us. “Start spreading the news…” he began to sing.

“Oh Jesus…” Celeste moaned quietly, putting her face in her hand.

“… I’m leaving today…” Josh continued, slowly standing up and holding out his arms.

“Joshua, please—” Celeste said, tugging on his shirt, but she was fighting hard to hide a smile.

“I want to BE A PART OF IT—”

And the whole bus joined in for the heart of the chorus, chanting, “NEW YORK, NEW YORK!”

“Incendiary!” Josh grinned, beginning to pack up his backpack. 

“You wish,” Celeste laughed.

At this point, we could hear the crowd outside calling for Greta. It was surreal—the whole time I’d been with the band, they’d never had attention like this so far from the venue. Obviously the crowd wasn’t calling for me, but I felt butterflies erupt in the pit of my stomach.

“You ready?” Jake asked Baby as she stood up and collected herself to exit the bus.

“As I’ll ever be,” she said, cocking an eyebrow teasingly and sliding on her sunglasses.

Lucas came back from the cab, where he’d been talking with Matt. “Let’s roll, gang,” he said with a smile. I tightened the straps on my backpack nervously, and followed the rest of the group to the front of the bus. When Matt opened the doors, the noise was almost deafening. Danny was down the stairs and headed for the lobby doors in a flash, and at the sight of him the crowd seemed to surge forward, held back only by the metal barriers in place on either side of the hotel entrance.

Sam must’ve sensed my nerves, because he punched my shoulder casually. “You okay?” he asked, smiling down at me. I smiled and nodded in return, hoping I could convince myself as well as him. 

Josh descended the stairs, followed closely by Celeste and Lucas, and they made a tight point formation with Josh at the head. As they headed to the lobby doors, Josh smiled and waved at the fans, causing the noise to reach a new maximum.

Jake followed his brother, and Baby in turn followed him. He waited for her at the bottom of the stairs and placed his arm across her shoulders as they started towards the lobby. Rowan reached the bottom of the stairs and started backing towards the hotel, waiting on Sam and I to descend. Not to help my heart beating out of control, Sam took my hand before heading down the stairs, smiling at Rowen as she urged us forward. 

Once off the bus, I was disoriented by all of the voices calling for Sam coming from all different directions. I realized I couldn’t feel my legs as I followed Sam over to where Jake was talking to some fans while he signed various items for them, Baby standing just a few feet behind him, looking mildly amused. 

I squeezed Sam’s hand before letting it go, making him turn in surprise to look at me, but he saw me sidle up to Baby and Rowen and he relaxed, turning back to smile at a fan who was currently speaking excitedly at him. 

“Who would’ve expected this kind of turnout?” Rowen said, her eyes alight with excitement.

“Jake mentioned there are a few other shows going on in the city over the next few days and I guess this is where everyone is staying—must be a hotspot for music fans at the moment,” Baby explained over the screaming.

We watched the guys talk to fans for a while. At one point, Jake glanced back at Baby mid-conversation and winked at her, and she pursed her lips to hide a smile.

“Alright guys, I gotta go,” Sam said, squeezing the girl’s hand he was holding before letting it go. “We’ll see you guys at the show tonight, yeah?”

He and Jake separated from the crowd and came back to where we were hanging back. Jake put his arm back around Baby, and Sam did the same in between Rowen and I as we all walked into the hotel. 

I had expected the hotel lobby to be a refuge, but I was sorely mistaken. Everywhere I looked, there was a flashing camera, either directed at us or at another one of the hundred people milling around in the high-ceilinged room. There were roadies hauling equipment, people being interviewed on the couches, groups of people clutching signed vinyls and CDs to their chests, people in suits arguing with one another while their respective bands stood behind them looking bored, gaggles of groupies with drinks in their hands laughing amongst themselves—a sudden pop of a champagne bottle made Rowen jump beside Sam.

“Holy shit. It’s like fucking Swingos in here,” I muttered, my eyes wandering and constantly finding something or someone new to marvel at.

“I think that’s the idea,” Jake said, also looking impressed with the absolute chaos unfolding in front of us.

“Do you guys see this place?” Suddenly, Josh materialized out of a group of what looked like equipment managers directing a fleet of rolling road cases towards the lobby doors. “I walked in and Sammy Hagar shook my hand! Sammy Hagar!”

“Where are Celeste and Luke?” Jake asked, searching over Josh’s shoulder. 

“I think Celeste had a run-in with Chis Bear, she’s introducing Luke now, they were right over there—” Josh trailed off, looking around the impossibly crowded room.

“Oh my god, is that Matt Hitt?” I scoffed, standing on my tip-toes to see past a crowd of fans.

“Who?” Sam asked, avidly following my gaze. 

“The lead singer of Drowners, I think he just got off the elevator, but he lives in New York, so I don’t see why he would be here—” I rambled excitedly, trying to put my eyes back on the artist I loved so much.

“You should go say hi!” Josh encouraged, reaching for my hand.

“I think we should find management and get checked in,” Sam said, swerving around Josh with me in-tow and heading towards the front desk. Jake and Baby exchanged a smirk behind us and followed along, taking advantage of the path Sam was plowing through the mass of people.

 

**

 

Arriving to the venue was much more difficult than it had been in any other city—the New York traffic on a Saturday afternoon was an ordeal in and of itself, but tack on the 59thStreet Bridge and it was game-over. As we drove through Queens to the venue, there were groups of people walking along the sidewalks, obviously on their way to wait in line for the concert, and they hollered at the bus as we passed, whooping and waving.

The soundcheck went beautifully, and we wandered aimlessly around the venue while the guys played through the setlist and adjusted their equipment for the show. Baby and Rowan suntanned on a blanket in the general admission section while Luke discussed something guitar-related with Jake up on stage. Baby and I were strolling casual laps around the perimeter of the venue, at the highest tier of seats. On the other side of the venue walls, there was the occasional glimpse of the growing line of people waiting for the doors to open.

Baby wanted a smoke, so we walked down to the floor level and went backstage, away from the crew and security, so she could light up.

“You guys are with Greta, right?” A voice made me turn around. We were by the barrier that separated the backstage area from the street, but security was a hundred yards away or so. There was a group of girls gathered a few feet away on the other side of the barrier, but one of them had come over and was leaning on the barrier, watching us.

“Yeah,” I said smiling at her.

“So are you like… dating them, or what?” She asked casually.

“No,” I said, shaking my head, at the same time that Baby said, “Practically,” making me punch her shoulder.

“If you’re not dating them, how’d you get backstage?” The girl asked outright.

“We’re with the band,” Baby said, as if it explained everything the girl needed to know.

“Yeah, but  _how_?” The girl prodded. 

“That’s just something we say,” I said, trying to mediate.

“ _’We’_ being… groupies,” she asserted, rather than asked.

“We’d prefer not to be called groupies,” Baby said unhelpfully.

“But basically, yes.”

I could see a smile creeping onto the girl’s face. “How did you do that? How did you get in with them?”

“It’s kind of a long story,” I said, refusing Baby’s offer for a drag.

“Can you get me in?” The girl asked, not quite pleadingly.

“It’s not really… our call,” Baby said, looking at the girl closely. “Plus, you look like you _might_ be fifteen? Sixteen if its dark and you put your hair down.”

“I'm seventeen. And I can hang,” the girl tried putting on a persuasive face. “We all can,” she said, nodding back to what must’ve been her group of friends.

“The guys don’t exactly tote an entire fucking _caravan_ around the country,” Baby said, but she looked like she was considering it.

I looked at her and cocked an eyebrow. “You can’t be serious?”

Baby reached into her bag and pulled out a pen. “You got something to write on, kid?” 

The girl searched through her own bag frantically but came up empty-handed, so she thrust her hand out across the barrier. Baby took it and began writing on the girl’s palm. “This is the name of the hotel we’re going to be at tonight. Play it cool and you might be able to get in. Ask for us if you do; we’ll leave our names at the front desk.”

“What are your names?” she asked, looking at the words Baby wrote on her hands.

“This is Maeve Flowers, I’m Baby,” she said, making the girl look up at her with a strange look in her eyes. “Baby Rogue.” 

“What kind of—”

“They’re not our real names, darling. We don’t discuss those,” she winked at her over the top of her sunglasses. “If you can make it, it should be a party.” 

Suddenly, the security guard at the other end of the barrier called out, “Doors open in five, ladies!”

The group of girls behind our new friend began to call for her agitatedly and, with one last look at us and the address on her hand, she took off to follow them towards the front entrance.

I looked at Baby and smiled disbelievingly. “What the hell was that?”

“And act of charity,” she said smiling as she watched the group turn the corner to join the line filing into the venue.

“You said it yourself, she barely looks sixteen, much less legal,” I laughed. “You want one of the guys to get arrested?”

“Well…” she trailed off, making both of us burst into laughter. She stubbed her cigarette out on the sole of her Doc Marten and threw her arm around my shoulders, pulling me into a quick half-nelson. “Let’s go,” she said, catching her breath.

We made our way back to the stage and got comfortable off to the side. The rest of the groupies were nowhere to be found—probably back in the trailer with the guys, waiting for showtime.

By the time the venue had filled, the shadows were getting long and the noise had reached a familiar decibel. Ida Mae put on a fantastic show, and at this point the crowd was familiar enough with their music that they could sing along. The stage hadn’t even been vacant for fifteen minutes before the audience began to chant for Greta.

It wasn’t long before the guys came tramping up the steps to the stage, the usual bouquet of white in Josh’s hand. He smiled at us as he passed, heading straight for center stage, on a mission. Sam, just behind him, nodded at me softly as he followed his brother, and Jake behind him, kissed Baby on the forehead as he reached to pull his guitar off its stand. 

Danny posted up at his drum set and, after the brothers were in their places and the houselights were low, started hitting the ride to lead into Sam’s keyboard.

They had just recently incorporated Age of Man into the setlist—watching Sam lean back and forth into his keys, the passion on his face and in the notes, I quickly wiped a tear from my eye to keep it from falling down my cheek. I reminded myself to tell him later that night that this was one of my favorites to see him perform.

Josh was pacing the stage slowly, back and forth between Sam and Jake, a small smile on his face. I heard him as he approached Jake’s side of the stage, clutching the microphone loosely in his hand: “Alright boys. Let’s give ‘em a show.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is absolute /shiiiiitttttt/ but I dug myself into a hole I couldn't quite get out of in the last chapter and I honestly didn't think I was going to ever pick this back up but. I've been in a mood lately and I needed an escape so. Who knows. I'm off and on when it comes to this stuff.
> 
> Anyways. Oop. Here it is, I am so sorry.

“Glad you made it, kiddo!” Baby shouted over the music being blasted through the Omni through the lobby speakers. She had dragged me down from the private party going on in the suite that Greta was occupying for the night when the front desk had called up to the room to let us know our ‘guests had arrived’—but the atmosphere in the lobby was not much different from that upstairs, star-studded from wall to wall.

The young girl from the venue, plus two or three of her friends, were gathered together amidst the crowd. They visibly relaxed upon seeing Baby and I approaching them. “What name did you use to get in?” she asked her.

“Sophie,” the girl said.

“Sophie? That’s not your real name?”

“Of course it is,” she said, almost defensively.

“That’s not gonna work,” Baby cringed, switching her glass of chardonnay to the opposite hand. “When we’re upstairs, go by uh… Kat, okay?”

“What? Why?”

“You wanted an authentic ‘groupie’ experience, right?” Baby smiled at her.

“It’ll keep from drawing attention to yourselves, if you have names like the rest of us,” I said nodding in the direction of the elevators to start herding the group back the way we came.

“And why don’t you guys use your real names?” one of Sophie’s friends asked.

I glanced at Baby and caught her eye as she pressed the call button; even she seemed skeptical about answering this question.

“It uh… makes us more difficult to track down. You know, by family and whatnot. Not all of us want to advertise our whereabouts.”

“So you’re, like, on the run?” Sophie pressed.

“Not necessarily. Just… rambling, I suppose,” Baby said, stepping into the elevator that had just opened its doors.

“So you guys are the real deal, then? Real groupies?”

“It seems to me that you’re just trying to live in the past. A past you weren’t even alive for,” another of Sophie’s friends said, snark in her voice.

I saw Baby’s eyes go wide in an attempt not to roll them and I had to suppress my laughter. “That’s where you’re wrong, love. We’re living in the moment,” the elevator dinged, the doors opened, and Baby started off down the hallway “pardon me for trying to invite you to join in tonight.”

“Assuming you all are underage,” I addressed them, following Baby towards the suite, “no drinking, no smoking, no illicit activity. I’m the DD tonight, designated drug-patrol, so don’t think you’ll be able to sneak anything past me. Josh has tried. I clocked his ass.”

“Josh tried what?” One of the friends asked excitedly.

“Not relevant,” I said, waving them on. Baby had inserted her key into the door and was just about to push it open.

“Please. Do not make me regret inviting you guys here. Play it cool, for fuck’s sake?”

Sophie crossed her heart, and Baby opened the door to let herself in. The suite was packed with people from the lobby that the guys had invited up, the air was dank and smoky,  and the music was blaring, but the overall vibe was very relaxed. As we reentered the room, someone immediately offered to refill Baby’s glass, which she graciously accepted with an award-winning smile. I followed her in and tried to keep Sophie and her friends trailing behind me.

The room was full of people, some with familiar faces and most without, but I was on the lookout for a Kiszka, since I knew that was likely all the girls behind me cared about. Thankfully, it didn’t take long to spot Jake across the room, seated beside Troy and an unknown groupie on one of the sofas. One leg was crossed over the other and he had a beer bottle in his hand. He looked up to see me coming and smiled, standing up.

“Have you seen Baby?” he leaned in to speak into my ear to be heard over the noise.

“She just came in with us,” I nodded, “I’d check the kitchen.”

Jake nodded and looked as if he were about to head in that direction, so I reached up for his shoulder and nodded towards the girls behind me. At a glance, I could see their eyes were hysterically wide. “These lovely ladies were at your show tonight, wanted to give you their regards,” I smiled softly.

“Ah, thank you,” Jake said, smiling at them. “I hope you enjoyed yourselves?” he phrased it as a question, but the girls looked too shocked to reply. Sophie, however, spoke up.

“You guys must lead the coolest lives,” she said.

“We try,” Jake said humbly, his eyes straying from Sophie to someone just over her shoulder. I looked to see Baby slide into the arm Jake had outstretched waiting for her. He kissed her on the forehead before smiling again at us and shouting over the music, “If you guys would excuse us.” They started to navigate through the crowd, attached at the hip, and Baby winked over her shoulder at me.

I smirked to myself and led the girls further into the suite, still on the lookout for any familiar faces. “There she is,” I heard a soft voice behind me that still managed to cut through the music. “Miss Maeve, care for a zoot?” Sam said. He leaned against a windowsill with Rowen under his arm and a joint in his hand. He was wearing a pretentious pair of purple tinted glasses that always made my heart jump.

“You know I’m DD tonight, Samuel—” I smiled.

“The Dope Demon!” Sam insisted, holding the smoke out for me. I clenched my jaw in both temptation and frustration before finally stepping up to him and taking a drag.

“Who’s this?” Sam asked, waving to the girls beside me.

“Just admirers of yours. Guys, this is Sam.”

“You guys cool?” he asked, holding out the joint.

“They’re uh, driving home,” I stepped in, “Sober fun for tonight.”

“That’s cool too,” Sam said, offering the joint to Rowen instead. “We’re taking it pretty easy tonight because we’ve gotta be on the road at the asscrack of dawn.”

“Headed to Toronto, right?” Sophie said eagerly.

“Right,” Sam said, oblivious to her excitement.

“So they decide to take it easy at my going-away party,” I joked, elbowing Sophie jovially.

Suddenly Sam coughed, pulling the joint away from his mouth. “Your what?” he choked out.

I tried not to laugh, watching him try to catch his breath. “I told you guys a few shows ago that I wasn’t coming with you to Canada. I don’t have my passport on me.”

“You failed to tell _me_ ,” he said, hurt in his voice.

“Sam, she definitely told all of us. I was even there, it was before I left for Marina.”

“So what, you’re just… leaving tomorrow?”

“Well, technically speaking, we’re both _leaving_ tomorrow, just headed in opposite directions.”

Sam seemed suddenly entirely sober, but at a loss for words. “Anyways,” I said, “You guys seen Josh anywhere? These girls have got to get home but I’d hate for them to miss out on his post-show buzz.”

“There’s a little more than just a post-show buzz going on there, if you catch my drift,” Rowen smirked nodding over my shoulder. I turned around just in time to see Josh standing his full height on the kitchen counter, a Collins glass in his hand, about ready to start belting out more Sinatra.

**

“You and Jake ever gonna throw in the towel and just admit that you’re _together_ together?” I asked, shoving all of my stuff in my bag and calling it ‘packed’.

“Even if we did, it’s not like it’d make much of a difference. Rolling Stone isn’t exactly up his ass about his love life, and they sure aren’t on the cover of TigerBeat,” Lola smirked from where she was cuddled in bed, scrolling through her phone. The stillness of our shared room was like a different universe from the suite down the hall.

“He looked like he was in a good mood tonight.”

“It was fantastic,” Baby said, “Plain and simple.”

“It’s always fantastic with you two,” I laughed.

“Each time is better than the last! I swear!”

“I believe you! I don’t need a play-by-play!”

Baby laughed and watched me smiling softly down at my bag. “How’d he take it?” she asked.

“I don’t know. He was stoned.” I said, stuffing in the last of my clothes.

“Probably pretty shitty, huh?”

“He didn’t say much.”

We were both quiet for a minute while she watched me walk into the bathroom and collect the rest of my stuff. “You’re sure you don’t want to tag along? Just for a few more shows?”

“I just need a little time away,” I said, zipping up the larger pocket of my bag. In the smaller one, I caught a glimpse of my passport, but I closed my bag with finality. “I’m sure.”


	7. Chapter 7

Dropping my bag at the front door, I took in the stillness of my long-vacant apartment. I had only been on the road with Greta for a few weeks, but I had been in and out of town meeting up with them and Baby all through the previous winter, after having met them for the first time. At this point, my apartment had an empty, neglected feel to it. I paid my bills while I was away to keep the power on, but other than that there was no semblance of life here; for instance, my plants had long since been commandeered by my mother to keep them from dying, and there was nothing alive about the space in front of me now. 

I locked the door behind me and tossed my keys on the coffee table as I moved to sift through my now dusty collection of vinyls to put something on to fill the silence. I settled on an old favorite of mine, just so that I could be in my feelings while I tried to reestablish myself.

I knew the fridge would be empty, so I scanned the cabinets and poured myself a bowl of stale cereal to eat dry. My phone buzzed from across the kitchen table, and I knew it would be Baby making sure I got home from the airport okay. She had pestered me incessantly, trying to get me to tag along to Canada with them, but I knew it would be for the best if I took a break for a while. 

It was taking a toll on me to see Celeste and Josh so happy and comfortable together, not to mention Baby and Jake’s constant lovefest, and I knew that Sam was excited to have Rowen back on the road with them. But to hear Sam talk about how much he wanted me—us—touring with them, I couldn’t help but think it was just smoke being blown up my ass. At the end of the day, they’re rockstars and they don’t need anyone on the road with them, least of all me.

I knew it would just take a week or so for Sam to realize that, and then maybe he wouldn’t act so attached to me. And then maybe it would be easier to ignore the fact that I loved him, but not like he deserves. Not enough.

I finished my pathetic bowl of cereal and reached across the table for my phone. The notification was, in fact, a text from Baby.

 

 **bong babe:** if you don’t reply soon i’m going to assume your uber driver was a serial killer and you're locked in the trunk of a honda civic somewhere along the eastern seaboard.

 

I smiled to myself and opened my phone to reply: _I’m fine, just got home._

It only took two seconds for her to reply—a selfie of her cheek on Jake’s chest, Jake sticking his tongue out at the camera from above her, the two of them obviously crammed in his bunk on the bus.

 

 **bong babe:** funny, you say you just got home yet we don’t see you anywhere!

 

I knew she was teasing, at least partially, but I felt tears welling in my eyes, so I snapped a picture of my empty cereal bowl and sent it to her: _home is where the stale cereal is_. I put my phone down and went to flip the record before embarking on the great task of unpacking.

 

**

 

That night, I managed to get some housekeeping done, but with every minor chore I was constantly reminded of moments from the past few months. Grocery shopping wasn’t the same without Baby insisting on trying a new label of wine or Josh contemplating the latest health foods with me. Changing the sheets on my bed felt foreign and wrong, seeing as I’d been staying in nothing but hotel beds and the bus bunks night after night. I bought myself a new plant, just a small one to put on the windowsill, to give me something to have charge over.

The best part that I could see about being back in my apartment was the kitchen—I had missed cooking dearly, and so that night I went all out and made my favorite homemade mac-and-cheese and just enjoyed the fully functioning space, complete with both a stove and an oven, something most hotel suites didn’t even have.

While I cooked, enjoying the therapy, my phone lit up with a notification that Baby had logged into Houseparty. I smiled, knowing it could only be for me, seeing as she was physically with anyone else she might have wanted to talk to. I dried off one of my hands and logged in as well, immediately joining Baby’s room.

“YOU’RE HERE!” she screamed while I struggled to find somewhere to set my phone up so that I could continue cooking.

“Of course I’m here, you think I’m just gonna leave you in an empty room all alone?”

“It wouldn’t be the first time,” she said. 

“I’m a busy person,” I said, feigning pretension. “Where are you guys?”

“I really couldn’t say. I know we crossed the border like… a half an hour ago, maybe? Jake—Jacob, do you know where we are?” she said, gazing up offscreen. There was unintelligible mumbling, and then Baby looked back at me and said “he has no idea.”

I smiled to myself as I stirred the sauce on the stove. “Toronto’s not too far from the border, so you can’t be far.”

“This has been the longest drive of my life. Maeve. I will never forgive you for leaving me now." 

“It can’t have been that bad, come on—”

“Joshua has not shut up since leaving Manhattan. He took a twenty minute nap when we first got on the bus to sleep off his non-existent ‘hangover’—” she put air-quotes around ‘hangover’ and resisted the urge to roll her eyes, “—he woke up and got right back to it, acting up. I swear. Jake and I came back to the bunks to try and escape it but Jesus _Christ_ his voice carries.”

“Don’t I know it,” I laughed at her exasperation. “How’s—" 

“Shit,” Baby said.

“What?”

“Shit fuck,” she repeated.

“ _What?_ ”

“Josh just logged on,” she said, looking closely at her phone, probably checking her notifications. Sure enough, the screen split three ways and Josh had joined our room.

“What have I missed, my loves?” he asked. It was clear that he was at the front of the bus while Baby’s dark screen told me she must have retreated back to the bunks again to call me.

“Josh, you’re really going to Houseparty with me when we’re on the same fucking bus?” Baby said.

“How else am I supposed to talk with Maeve?” he asked, hurt.

“Maeve?” came a voice from off-camera, and my heart jumped because I knew it was Sam.

“Hey, scooch,” I heard Jake in Baby’s frame and she shifted over in the bunk to make room for Jake to lay with her.

“How’re you doin’, Miss Maeve? How’s the domestic life treatin’ ya?” Josh asked, his eyes going up and down from the screen to whatever was in front of him.

“Its pretty exciting stuff,” I said, taking the boiling macaroni off the heat and going to drain it in the sink. “Making mac-and-cheese.”

“No shit,” Jake said, “I’d kill a man for some homemade mac-and-cheese at this point.”

“Kill Josh,” Baby said, making Jake snort with laughter and Josh scoff—I could hear Celeste laughing off-camera.

“That mac-and-cheese had better be fucking worth you leaving me like this, asshole,” Baby said, resting her head in the crook of Jake’s shoulder.

“Oh, it will be,” Jake said, causing her to reach up to punch him, but he just grabbed her hand in his.

There was movement in Josh’s panel and suddenly Sam’s knees were on either side of his brother’s head as he sat on the back of the couch behind him. “Samuel, say hi to your flower,” Josh said, angling the camera up so that only his forehead was in the frame and the rest was Sam. Sam waved with one hand, a mug that was likely full of coffee in the other. “Hi, flower,” he said.

“Hi, Samuel,” I said, waving with the hand that wasn’t holding the hot saucepan.

“Oh, so now he’s got nothing to say,” Baby scoffed.

“Huh?”

“He hasn’t shut up all day about you leaving, he’s been more obnoxious about it than I have,” Baby said, and I made a point to turn away from my phone so no one could see me close my eyes and sigh.

“That’s not true!” Sam said, but Josh had moved the camera back down so all of Sam that was visible were his knees. “I was just saying that we easily could’ve forged a passport. Plus, it’s Canada, they don’t care anyways.”

“That’s not a lie,” Jake said, “Remember that one time we got caught camping on the Prince side of Lake Superior? The RCMP just laughed and told us to go home.”

“Maeve, we definitely could have snuck you into Canada,” Josh said.

“I would wager to say we’ve done many more illegal things,” I heard Celeste say off-camera.

“It’s fine guys. I’ll just catch up with you when you’re back in the states,” I said.

“But then there’s only a few shows until we’re in Europe for a month!” Sam whined from above Josh.

“Yeah, we might be able to get you across state lines, but I doubt management is going to vibe with you guys hopping continents,” Jake said.

“I guess you guys’ll just have to get by without us for a little while, huh?” Celeste said, popping up beside Josh and resting her chin on his shoulder.

I took my chance to get out of the Houseparty with the least amount of awkwardness possible. “Alright guys, I gotta go, this macaroni has to go in the oven and I have to go shower.”

“A hot shower with good water pressure, now for _that_ I would kill a man,” Jake said, closing his eyes wistfully.

“I’ll talk to you guys later. Take care of each other,” I said, pointing at the camera. 

“Bye, Maeve, my love,” Baby said, blowing me a kiss. “Text me back.”

“Me too!” Sam jumped forward, sticking his face between Celeste and Josh’s. “Miss you, sugar babe.”

“Miss you too,” I said, reaching forward to my phone to leave the chat. “I love you guys.”

I logged out of the app to the collective ‘goodbye’s and ‘I love you’s from my little family and immediately the silence was oppressive. I leaned on the counter and let my head drop.

Later that night, I ate mac-and-cheese in bed and scrolled aimlessly through the internet. I knew the nights would only get lonelier as new content was posted and shared of Greta’s latest shows, and I would be left to wonder how they were spending their time without me.

I texted Baby a sappy goodnight and tossed restlessly for hours.


	8. Chapter 8

_From the eyes of Baby Rouge…_

Toronto was beautiful. That’s all there was to say about that. Traveling with Greta had been fun, no matter where they were performing, but it was no surprise to me that some cities were generally more entertaining than others—sometimes, there was just an energy about a place that harbored excitement and opportunity. Toronto was one of those cities. 

When we reached the hotel, it was late in the evening, so we slipped into our respective rooms and passed out, the long day of being trapped on the bus together having worn us all out.

The next morning, I woke to Jake’s soft kisses on the back of my neck. “Too early…” I mumbled, hoping he’d just bury his face in my hair and fall back asleep. 

“It’s almost nine, doll,” he said, and I could feel his smile.

I said nothing, thinking maybe he’d believe that _I’d_ fallen back asleep, but he reached around to push my hair out of my face and behind my ear. “Come on, we have all day to do non-work stuff. Please?”

I sighed and flipped over on my back so that I could look up at him properly. “Breakfast first?”

“It’s on me,” he smiled and brushed my hair again.

I gazed at him tiredly. “Alright then,” I resigned, making him grin even wider and jump up from the bed. I sat up and watched him strip for the shower. “What are we doing?” I asked, “You’re moving like you have a plan.”

“Sam said something about a Distillery District and a park by the wharf?” Jake said it more like a question than an answer.

“Oh, so we’re letting Sammy make the plans now?” I suppressed a laugh.

“It sounded like fun, and anything to get him to stop whining about Maeve.” 

“Maybe if she hadn’t left in the first place…” I pouted.

Jake grabbed a towel from the wrack on the bathroom door. “Don’t pretend you can’t appreciate why she left,” he said, cocking an eyebrow at me before disappearing into the bathroom.

“That doesn’t mean I can’t still miss her!” I shouted over the sound of him turning on the water.

 

**

 

“The Hockey Hall of Fame!” Sam said, pointing across the street to an impressive-looking building while we walked.

“What about it?” I said. 

“I should’ve worn my Red Wings jersey.”

“But… we’re in Ontario,” I said.

“Hockey is hockey,” he shrugged, tightening the straps of his backpack. “I think Maeve had it in her luggage anyways, I couldn’t have worn it if I wanted to.” 

Jake and I exchanged a glance that was readable even through both of our sunglasses.

The Distillery District wasn’t far from the hotel and the weather was beautiful, so the walk was enjoyable. Once there, we stopped at a small coffee bar and ordered to-go to continue walking around. We stopped in a store that sold strictly socks, and after both of them demanding that they wouldn’t buy anything they didn’t need, they each walked out with a pair of new crew socks—Sam’s patterned with little pine tree air fresheners, Jake’s with the word “badass” enclosed in little hearts.

After that we went next door to a small local candle shop upon my request, and spent a while sifting through jars, endlessly sniffing and ending up walking out without buying a single candle. However, I managed to sneak a good video of Sam sticking his nose in something called “Cactus Water + Himalayan Musk”, and the face he made was sure to make Maeve smile when she saw it.

We then walked over a block or so to an industrial-looking retail shop where Jake bought a new pin for his bucket hat and insisted on buying me a shirt I had been eying.

“It’s literally just a t-shirt with a maple leaf on it, Jake, it’s not worth the money,” I reasoned, trying to take it from him as he waited in line to check out. “It’s not even my size.” 

“So you can wear it as a night shirt,” he said, holding it out of my reach. “For me.”

I gave up trying to reach for the shirt and just glared at him, but my heart was dripping with love. He knew it, too. He smirked and pulled me into him with one arm so that he could rest his chin on the top of my head. 

We stopped to sit down for a brunch at that point. After we ordered our food, Sam and Jake fell into a conversation about the new music they had been writing and recording on the road. I took the opportunity to text Maeve and let her know how we were doing.

“What’s she up to?” Sam asked, making me look up from my phone. “Maeve.”

“What makes you think I’m talking to Maeve?”

“Who else would you be texting?” he teased.

“Maybe it’s Josh, you don’t know,” I retorted. 

“I could’ve sworn you got enough of Josh to last you a lifetime yesterday alone, but by all means…” Sammy raised his hands in defense.

Jake looked at me as if to say ‘so much for distracting him’ and took a sip of his drink. But I’d finally had enough. I might not have been able to convince Maeve before, with my minimal knowledge of where Sam stood on the situation, but I could play the middleman if need be. 

I put my phone down on the table in front of me. “Sammy, have you ever thought about like… maybe asking Maeve out?”

“What do you mean?” he asked, taking a sip of his coffee.

“What do you mean, ‘what do I mean’? I mean, have you ever considered actually asking her out, like, officially?” 

“We take each other out all the time, that’s what sucks so bad about her being gone. There’s gonna be like… gaps in my day that only she could fill, ya know?”

I resisted the urge to facepalm and instead focused on Jake’s smirk across the table. 

“Yeah, but you guys go out as _friends_. And when you hug her, it’s as a _friend_ , and when you fall asleep in the same bed its _friendly_. Have you ever thought about anything more?”

Sam’s eyes drifted off from my face to somewhere distant and I could tell he was deep in thought. Finally, his eyes still glazed, he said, “I guess I’d never really thought…”

Jake and I exchanged another glance and he sipped nervously on his mimosa.

“She’s always so quick to hand me off to Rowen though. I always thought she was tired of me.” 

“She knows Rowen makes you happy,” Jake said.

“But _Maeve_ makes me happy.”

“She thinks she’s not enough,” I said.

“Not enough _what_?” Sam’s gaze was still unfocused and I could tell he really had been oblivious to all of this.

“Just in general,” I said. I watched Sam try and sort through this for a few more seconds before cutting in. “Look, when we first joined you guys on the road, we told each other we’d follow the first rule in the groupie handbook: don’t fall in love with the band. Fall in love with the music, fall in love with the life, but by no means develop feelings for any one _person_ because that shit gets dangerous.”

Jake snorted into his drink when he heard me say the word ‘dangerous’ and I knew he was thinking of more than just us ‘developing feelings’ for each other. I smirked at him but kept my attention on the conversation at hand. “Maeve’s just trying to keep her distance because she doesn’t want to hurt you. Or get hurt. Whatever.”

“I’d never hurt her,” Sam said, sounding slightly offended.

“Of course not intentionally,” I assured him, “But… It would be all too easy for her to… like you more than you like her. Middle school stuff, ya know?”

Sam was distant again. I was about to reassure him when he finally came to. “She really doesn’t know how much I like her?”

Jake and I looked at each other, shocked. “Like… like-like?” Jake asked.

“I mean… yeah. She’s like my best friend, right?” Sam said, leaning his elbows on the table. “And I want to do everything with her. And days go by faster when she’s around, but not in a good way, more in a… ‘there aren’t enough hours in a day to see you as much as I’d like to’ kinda way.”

Jake and I were quiet for a moment. “Uh… yeah, Sammy. That’s how it feels,” I found my voice, gazing at Jake.

“I thought I’d told her all of this,” Sam said, but it sounded more like a question.

“You probably have. She gets bullheaded when it comes to things like this. She only hears what she wants to hear.”

“Is that… is this why she went back home?”

“She went back home because she thought some time away would get you to realize you don’t need her as much as you think you do,” I rolled my eyes. 

“That’s so bullshit,” Sam said, but there was a smile in his voice, and I looked over to see him almost laughing. “So what does that mean now?” 

“What do you mean?”

“What does this mean, all of this, when she comes back?”

“It means you have to convince her that she’s being ridiculous,” I said, “And, preferably, ask her to be your fucking girlfriend so she’ll stop being so melodramatic.”

Sam smiled into his coffee and contemplated for a moment. “Should I call her today and talk to her about it?” he asked, looking up at Jake. 

Jake looked at me and the two of us considered. “No,” I decided, a smile starting on my lips. “Let’s have some fun while she’s away.” 

I picked my phone back up from the table and opened the camera. “Smile, Sammy. Say ‘Maeve is a dumbass’!”

“Maeve is _my_ dumbass!” Sam lifted his mug to a toast. I snapped a picture and sent it straight to Maeve.


End file.
